lol a little laugh for the day

Three Ladies in a Sauna

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND
ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN
A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A
BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER
FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.
THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.

'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID.
I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY
ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A
PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER
PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE
FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE
PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN
MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE
DECIDED SHE
HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE
SAUNA AND
WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER
HANGING
FROM HER REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND
STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID...WELL, LOOK AT THAT....I'M
GETTING A
FAX!!

A man boarded a plane with six kids.

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting
Across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked,

"Are all of those kids yours?"

He replied, "No Ma'am, I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

Little Johnny Jokes


In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.True to his word, he made the first contact:
" Marion .... Marion ... "
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.. Then I have lunch (you'd be
proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night.
I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again".
"Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?"

"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere near Mildura.

Two Australian Aboriginals were driving their old Ford Falcon in the outback recently, when off in the distance they saw a police "booze bus". Rather than trying to avoid it, the driver headed straight for it. As they pulled up, the driver wound his window down and said 'G'day, brudder!

The copper glared at him and said 'You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this tube!'The driver said 'Sorry boss, I can't blow in dat,I got a letter from the doctor saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in dat.'The cop smirked and said 'OK - in that case,we require you to give a blood sample.''Nah, nah - sorry, boss,' replied the driver. 'Can't be doin' dat. Got a letter from the Red Cross sayin' I'm a haemophiliac, and I could bleed to death if I gave a blood sample. Sorry, boss, can't do dat!'

By now the copper was getting very irate, and so he demanded that the driver provide a urine sample for testing.The driver shook his head and said

'Sorry boss, can't do dat either.'The copper protested 'Surely you haven't got a letter for that!!!''Bloody oath, mate!' says the driver,

'It's from Julia Gillard, the Prime Minister of this lovely country of Australia - she's apologised, and says dat you whitefellas can't take da piss outta us blackfellas no more!

The Sensuous Wife

"Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumbled up?" the woman asked
her husband. "No"...said her husband.



She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her

blouse...and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky

push-up bra...and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.



He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her ...and smiled approvingly.



"Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"... she then asked her

husband?



"Uh...no, I haven't" ...he said (with an anxious tone in his voice).



She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively

reached into her tight, sheer panties... and pulled out a crumpled Fifty

Dollar bill.



He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little

quicker with anticipation.



"Now" ...she said. "Have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?"



"No way" ...he said (while obviously becoming even more aroused... and

excited).

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"Well go look in the garage!"...she said.