lol a little laugh for the day

A black guy and a redneck go into a pastry shop.
The black guy whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.
The black guy says to the redneck:
"You see how clever we are?
You rednecks can never beat that!"
The redneck says to the black guy:
"Watch this, a Redneck is always smarter than a black man."
He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from the Gold Coast when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, 'Are you going to the Gold Coast?'
'Sure,' answered the blonde, 'do you need a lift ?'
'Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the Gold Coast Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me ? I' ll give you $100 for your trouble..'
'I'd be happy to,' said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of the Gold Coast when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. 'What the heck are you doing here ?' he demanded, 'I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.'
'Yes, I know you did,' said the blonde,' but we had money left over --- so now we're going to SeaWorld

thanks guys .. enjoy a good chuckle !

THE NUN AND THE HIPPIE

A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun.
He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"

"No," she replies, "I'm married to God."
She stands up, and Gets off at the next stop.

The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says:
"I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"

"Yeah?", says the hippie.

"Yeah!", say the bus driver.
"She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray,
So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood,
Put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard,
And pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."

The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.

"I am God," he declares to the nun,
Keeping the hood low about his Face.
"Have sex with me."

The nun agrees without question,
But begs him to restrict himself to anal sex,
As she is desperate not to lose her virginity.

'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her.
As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

"Ha-ha," he cries. "I'm the hippie!"

"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I'm the bus driver!

SMART HARRY..
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of
her students
The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in
the 3rd grade and I'm smarter Than she is! I think I should be in
the 3rd grade too!'
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry:
'9.'
Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry:
'36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd
grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,
'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal,
'Let me ask him some questions.'
The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only
two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy and oval'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks:
'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop
the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubblegum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does
sitting down and a dog Does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
'Put Harry in the fifth-grade,..................... I got the last seven questions wrong.....'

Norman and Barry got married in California .

They couldn't afford a honeymoon so they go back to Norman 's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Norman 's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Norman and Barry are up yet. She replies, 'No'.

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Norman and Barry up yet?' She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school '

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Norman and Barry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'



He says: 'Last night Norman came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...
I gave him my airplane glue.