lol a little laugh for the day

naughty









A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door
> of a sex shop.
>
> Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across
> the store to the counter.
>
> Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering
> she ask the sales clerk,
>
> "Dooo youuuu have dilllldosss?"
>
> The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing replies, "Yes we
> do have dildos.
>
> Actually we carry many different models."
>
> The old woman then asks: "Doooo youuuu carrryy aaa pppinkk onnee,
> tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss
>
> ththiickk...aaand rrunns by bbaatteries?"
>
> The clerk responds, "Yes we do.."
>
> "Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn iittt offfff?" naughty naughty but had to share lol

That certainly got a laugh out of us Roy .

Good one !

A couple were driving at 70mph down the road,
husband behind the wheel.
The wife suddenly says "Honey, I know we've been
married twenty years but I want a divorce."
He says nothing but increases the speed to 80mph.
She says "Now don't try to talk me out of it,
I've been screwing your best friend for sometime now
and he IS better at sex than you."
He stays quiet, but speeds up to 90mph.
She says "I want the house and the car."
(He is now doing 100mph.)
" I want the bank accounts and the credit cards too.
The husband starts to veer towards the side of the road
and a large grove of trees.
The wife gets nervous and asks
"Isn't there ANYTHING you want?"
"No, I've got all I need."
"Oh really, so what exactly do you have?"
Just before they hit the tree at 120mph he smiles and says:
"The freaking air-bag!"

Stuttering Cat - as explained by a Grade 4
student

A teacher is explaining
biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that
stutter," she says.
A little girl
raises her hand. "I once had a kitty-cat who stuttered."
The teacher, knowing how
precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe
the incident.
"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my
kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next
door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence
into our yard!"
"That must've been very scary," said the teacher.
"It sure was," said the little girl.
"My kitty raised her back, went
'Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Fffffff,'
but before she could say 'Fuck!,' the Rottweiler ate her!"

The teacher had to leave the
room.

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says,

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool. 'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. 'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'

'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept...

When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed!