lol a little laugh for the day

During a lull between the speeches at the recent presidential swearing-in ceremony, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with the Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson.


"You know, I bought Donald a parrot for Christmas. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to pronounce over two hundred words!"

"Wow, that's pretty impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize that he just speaks the words, ...he doesn't really understand what they mean."

"Oh, I know," replied Melania, .........." neither does the parrot."

WELCOME to 2017

� Our Phones - Wireless

� Cooking - Fireless

� Cars - Keyless

� Food - Fatless

� Tires -Tubeless

� Dress - Sleeveless

� Youth - Jobless

� Leaders - Shameless

� Relationships - Meaningless

� Attitudes - Careless

� Babies - Fatherless

� Feelings - Heartless

� Education - Valueless

� Children - Mannerless

� Country - Godless

We are-SPEECHLESS,

Government-is CLUELESS,

And our Politicians-are WORTHLESS!


& I'm scared Shitless!

A few minutes before the church services started. The congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other

in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman,

known as Jim who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"
Jim replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't" said Jim "Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned Jim, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply..
"And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said Jim.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
Jim calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."

Subject: The blind cowboy and the all-girl biker bar
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate..
4. The woman sitting next to me a blonde, professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde, professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.
Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
"No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Something we all should know:

U Tube, Facebook and Twitter are going to amalgamate next week and become just 1 entity.


It will be appropriately know n as . . . . . . . . . . . U Faceless Twitts.

A friend posted this:
A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"
"Now tell me, what the HECK would you say?"