lol a little laugh for the day

A young doctor moved to a small Irish rural community to replace a doctor who was retiring.
The older doctor suggested that the younger one accompany him on his rounds, so that the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house they visited the woman complained, "I've had stomach trouble and been a sick a few times."
The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman? How did you come to the diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. Did you notice that I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up I noticed half a dozen banana peels in the waste bin. That was probably what was making her sick."
The younger doctor said "That's very clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She reported that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much for the church," the younger doctor told her. Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well and your diagnosis is most certainly correct as she's very active in the local catholic church, but how did you arrive at it?"
"I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the priest under the bed.

SMART HARRY..
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of
her students
The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in
the 3rd grade and I'm smarter Than she is! I think I should be in
the 3rd grade too!'
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry:
'9.'
Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry:
'36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd
grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,
'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal,
'Let me ask him some questions.'
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only
two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry: 'Pants.'
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy and oval'
Harry: 'Coconut.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks:
'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop
the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubblegum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does
sitting down and a dog Does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Firetruck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
'Put Harry in the fifth-grade,..................... I got the last seven questions wrong.....'

Employee is loyal and feels like he deserves a raise, but his boss is more hesitant


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This employee needed a raise, so he had to have that big talk with the boss that we all hate having. But this guy had a trick up his sleeve.

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes, and we’re glad to have you with us.

Employee: I won’t beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.

Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

Employee: I understand your position, and I know that these are rough times economically, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade. I want to keep working here, but that needs to go both ways.

Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don’t want to start a brain drain, I’m willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?

Employee: Great! It’s a deal! Thank you, sir!

Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, which companies were after you?

Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!

Subject: Fw: Fwd: Skipping Church for Golf








Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally
beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.
So.. he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded
him to say Mass for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of
town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down
from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away
with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the
pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.

IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
"Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

PEACE BE WITH YOU.

To all those who are sick of hearing about discrimination
The best line heard lately was from a shop foreman at a Calgary MEAT Packing Plant.
This young East Indian kid was being fired.
He said to the shop foreman: "This is bullshit, you're firing me because I'm East Indian!"
The boss said, "No, get this straight, we hired you because you were East Indian.
We're getting rid of you because you’re fucking useless!"

Religious Bras
you need a laugh??
What Religion is Your Bra?
A man walked into the ladies department
and shyly walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said,
'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.. '
'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,' said the saleslady,
as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from .'
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic,
Salvation Army,
Presbyterian,
and Baptist.
Which one would you prefer?'
Now totally befuddled,
the man asked about
the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded,
'It is all really quite simple.'
The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills....
Have you ever wondered why A, B,C, D, DD, E , F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why,
but couldn't figure out
what the letters stood for,
it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!