lol a little laugh for the day

NUDE BEACH ....... !!!

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach...

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger

than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother

that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother:

'Daddy is talking to the
silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?”


He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now.”


I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense.”


He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

Opparis Vasectomy


After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children ...

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The husband said to the doctor, "B'Jayzus, I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem."

"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in New Zealand and Tasmania

A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant.

The Godfather asks the accountant, “Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?” The accountant does not answer.

The Godfather asks again, “Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?”

The attorney interrupts, “Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you.”

The Godfather says, “Well ask him where my damn money is!” The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He doesn’t know what you are talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, “Ask him again where my damn money is!”

The attorney signs to the accountant, “He wants to know where it is!”

The accountant signs back, “OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!”

The Godfather says, “Well….what did he say?”

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He says…go to hell… ..that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”

Young Irish girl Nora returns home for Christmas.

When she got there, her dad Vito said to her, “Where have you been all this time? Why did you not write to us, why did you not call us?”

Nora started to cry as she replied, “Dad, I became a prostitute.”

Vito shouted in rage, “What did you say? Get out of here you shameless harlot! You’re a disgrace to this family.”

Nora answered, “OK, Dad. If that’s your wish, that’s what I’ll do; I understand. First though, I just came back to give Mom this luxurious fur coat, the title deeds to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for 8 million. And for my little brother, I brought this gold Rolex, and for you Dad, the sparkling new Audi limited edition convertible that’s parked in front of the house. Oh yes, plus a membership to the country club and an invitation for you all to spend a fun New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and…”

Her dad Vito interrupted her, “Now what was it you said you had become, again?”

Nora started crying again as she said, “A prostitute, Dad!”

Vito said, “Oh my little girl! You scared me half to death! I thought you said a Protestant. Come here and give your father a hug!”

A hippie walks on a bus and sees a nun. Being the straight forward kind of guy he is, he says :”Hey baby, want to have s.x?”

The nun says: “God no!”, so she gets off the bus angry.

When the hippie is about to get off the bus, the bus driver asks him: “Hey man, you see that graveyard across the street?”

The hippie: “yeah I see it, what about it?”

“Well every Tuesday night at 8:30, the nun go’s to the top of the hill to pray. If you dress up as a ghost, and tell her to have s.x with you, she’ll have too”;

The hippie replied: “sweet!”.

So, Tuesday night comes and the hippie has a ghost costume, 8:30 comes and here comes the nun. The hippie pops out and says: “I am the ghost of a man buried here, and I command you to have s.x with me!”

The nun: “Well… ok, but I have a virgins aspect so it has to be oral”

So the nun and the hippie have and the hippie runs away and says: “Ha, ha I was actually the hippie” and the nun replied: “Ha, ha I’m actually the bus driver!”