lol a little laugh for the day

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest asks.

They say, “Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?!”

“That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.

“You know, I have two male talking parrots that I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.

“Thank you,” the woman said, “this may be the solution.”

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: “Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?

There was stunned silence.

Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, “Put the beads away, Frankie, our prayers have been answered!”

At Heathrow airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified hand shake from Queen Elizabeth II. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of Central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.

As they rode towards Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity. Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.

Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a most ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation. She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, “Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I’m sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control.”

George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, “Your Majesty, please don’t give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn’t said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses.”

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.



"Not yet," said the little boy.



[]




His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.



Well, he's a little teed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.



"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.



"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk."



Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the pussy cat halfway across the kitchen.



The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him, or should I?"

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. Then she yells, “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of s.x in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He was gorgeous – tall, muscular, and had long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her. He tosses his shirt to her and whispers: “Iron this.”

the owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what’s up.

"He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once."

"Laxatives won’t cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily.

"Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He’s afraid to cough."

A guy in Spain goes to a Gourmet restaurant that has only one dish for one customer each day.
Waiter seats him in the only seat and brings him his meal.
The guy asks; " what is this?"
Waiter explains; After the Bull fight we serve the tesicles. "
The guy says: " But these are very small."
The waiter responds;
Sometimes the Bull, he wins.