lol a little laugh for the day

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father,
I have a problem. I have two female parrots and they only know
how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you
are embarrassed."
He thought a minute and then said, "You know,
I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots
whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in
the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots
to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying
that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the woman
responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's
house. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots were
inside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out
in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?"

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked
over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away,
Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

Pearly Gates
Saint Peter is sitting on a bench at the Pearly Gates .... When two guys arrive, wearing dark hoodies & sagging pants. St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said ... "Wait here. I

A little farm boy was walking to the school bus one morning when he began kicking farm animals. First he kicked a pig. Then he kicked a chicken. Lastly he kicked a cow. His mother,watching from the kitchen window decided she would handle the situation after he returned from school. When he comes home from school, his mother confronts him and says "I seen you this morning kicking those farm animals. since you kicked a pig you get no pork products for a week. Since you kicked a chicken you get no eggs for a week. Since you kicked a cow, you get no beef products for a week. Now go wait for your father and tell him what you have done. " The young boy goes and waits for his father. When his father comes home from a long day of work he is so mad he kicks the cat across the front yard. The boy looks to his mother and says " You wanna tell him no pussy or do you want me to?"

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant who knows absolutely nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?, asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on this god's earth are dey for?"? inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Faith and bejaysus", says the Irishman, "Mercedes think of everything!".

Blood donor...An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery,
but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood-type in case the need arose.

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out.

Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & thousands of US dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.

His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street ."

To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".

A body-builder was admiring his body in the mirror when he noticed he was sun tanned everywhere but his penis. So, he went to the beach, naked, and buried himself in the sand with only his penis sticking out.Two elderly ladies walked by and saw this penis sticking out of the sand. One of them moved it around with her cane. She said to her friend, "There isn't any justice in this world."Her friend asked her what she meant."When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I demanded it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat