Outback humour

True GeeCee,

We had the unfortunate pleasure of their company throughout outback NSW, QLD and SA. One night we threw a slice of bread on the ground trying to divert them from climbing out legs. It didn't work so we had to have an early night.

Smed

We had mice from SA right up to the Alice but from there on no mice!

A grey nomads wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coastline. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the caravan door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.

'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?'

The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.'

The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn but after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.

The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.'

He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it.

'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?

'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again.

A blonde was on holiday and driving through Darwin.

She desperately wanted to take home a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted,

"Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own crocodile, so I can get a pair of shoes for free".

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try"!

The blonde headed out toward the river, determined to catch a crocodile!

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the bank where he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, a shotgun in her hand.

Just then, he spots a huge 3 meter croc swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy banks of the river..

Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement..

The blonde struggled and flipped the Croc onto its back. - Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out.........

"Noooooo! This one's barefoot too!"

I have a little Satnav
It sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are
I have a little Satnav
I've had it for quite a while
It does more than the normal one
My Satnav is my wife
It gives me full instructions
On exactly how to drive
"It's sixty k

Sounds like you have the same type of Satnav as me dd .